Enviado por chamaleon el Mar, 11/18/2008 - 17:48.

Los falsos positivos, la situación de las universidades, la falta de oportunidades. Súmese a este compromiso y rebótelo entre sus contactos. Un esfuerzo conjunto nacional.

Es imperativo que la juventud se pronuncie sobre la situación de orden público por la que atravesamos. Por eso REDCAMALEÓN con el apoyo decidido de varias organizaciones de base, estamentos, académicos, líderes locales, regionales y nacionales en materia de juventud deciden sumarse para publicar y enviar este comunicado nacional donde esperamos haber expresado el sentir de muchos de ustedes, compartirlo con la sociedad y responder de este modo al gobierno nacional y a organismos internacionales que ven con preocupación el caos interno en el que estamos sumergidos.

Si desea sumarse solo es que lo exprese a través de los canales dispuestos para ellos.

www.redcamaleon.com
www.misemana.com enlace comunidad Juventud por Colombia.

LOS FALSOS POSITIVOS CON LOS JOVENES SON UN SINTOMA DE LA PRECARIA CONDICION DE LA JUVENTUD EN EL PAIS.

Mientras el país especula sobre la suerte de este gobierno en manos del controvertido referendo reeleccionista, la designación de Barack Obama como presidente de Estados Unidos y la cotidanidad de reinas, futbol y pirámides, pocos se han detenido a reflexionar sobre los niveles a que ha llegado el conflicto colombiano a partir de las revelaciones de falsos positivos mediante los cuales la Fuerza Pública legaliza ejecuciones extrajudiciales para ganar privilegios; un síntoma, de la degradación a la que ha llegado el Estado colombiano en su lucha contra la insurgencia. El modus operandi para realizar estos asesinatos ha sido de cuatro tipos distintos de ejecución:

1. Falso positivo por ocultamiento, “no existía la intención de asesinar a un inocente, pero al hacerlo, no admiten el error, sino que lo presentan como guerrillero. Es el caso de Cajamarca”.

2. Falso positivo por limpieza social, “Con el ánimo de aumentar las bajas, deciden matar personas en un alto grado de vulnerabilidad y por quienes, suponen ellos, nadie va a preguntar”.

3. El tercero es la táctica paramilitar. “Las víctimas son personas que les resultan sospechosas de vínculos con la guerrilla, pero por falta de pruebas no pueden capturar. Entonces deciden matarlos simulando un combate”.

4. El último es el más preocupante de todos y fue el ocurrido con los 11 jóvenes de Soacha (Cundinamarca), los 11 de Toluviejo (Sucre), los tres de Barranquilla y los tres de Chinchiná (Caldas) en la cual la Fuerza Pública estaba aliada con la delincuencia para buscar beneficios mutuos. Los primeros sumaban puntos en la guarnición militar por cada baja que obtenían gracias a los delincuentes; estos en contraprestación, lograban poca presión militar y hasta negocios con la munición que supuestamente gastaban los militares. Uno de los casos, ocurrió con uno de los jóvenes de Soacha, el reporte informaba un gasto de mil municiones a un joven que solo tenía tres impactos.

Los casos reportados tanto en la Fiscalía General de la Nación como en la Procuraduría dan cuenta de un alarmante aumento en las denuncias por falsos positivos a manos de las fuerzas armadas. A partir del 2001 y hasta la fecha, la Fiscalía reporta 660 procesos de este tipo, mientras que la Procuraduría registra 934 casos que involucran a 2.878 militares.

Salvaguardar los Derechos Humanos es una responsabilidad del Estado y el asesinato de jóvenes en esta guerra historia donde ellos son la carne de cañón de los grupos armados legal o ilegal, es solo la punta del iceberg de la vulneración de sus derechos y de la precariedad de la condición de la juventud en Colombia.

Un país, donde los jóvenes por falta de oportunidades académicas, laborales y culturales se prestan a cargar un fusil, donde el reclutamiento forzado y la vinculación de niños y jóvenes a la guerra se acrecenta día tras día, donde no reconoce el derecho a la objeción de conciencia para prestar servicio militar obligatorio y tampoco firma la Convención Iberoamericana de los Derechos de la Juventud. Además, contamos con una cifra alarmante de jóvenes desmovilizados quienes tienen las puertas cerradas para crecer como ciudadanos, pero sí bien abiertas para volver a la guerra y a la delincuencia. Un país, que por culpa del conflicto involucró a las mujeres no sólo para combatir, sino también para ser maltratadas y violadas, pero a la vez, persigue a los pueblos indígenas y afrodescendientes; al igual que la población LGTB, buscando su eliminación. Donde la cifra de desempleo es la más alta de toda America Latina y la salud es un privilegio porque te excluyen cuando tienes 18 años. Un país, que tiene una caseria de brujas hacia los jóvenes de la universidades públicas y persiguen a las madres de los jóvenes asesinados en Soacha por haber denunciado. Un país, que cuenta con una institucionalidad juvenil nacional, Colombia Joven, que no se pronuncia por lo que pasa, desacreditada, sin presupuesto, ni incidencia y más cercana a su desaparición; y un país, que no tiene memoria…

Debemos ampliar nuestra mirada y reconocer que la juventud en Colombia sigue siendo asesinada, no solo por las balas falsos positivos, sino por toda una violencia estructural que desconoce e invisibiliza los derechos de la población juvenil.

Por todo lo anterior, invitamos a todos los firmantes a contarle al vecino, al profesor, al amigo, al taxista, a la pareja, lo que pasa con la juventud en Colombia y pensar qué hacer: si repetir la misma historia de acumular generaciones perdidas o reconocernos como el presente y futuro de nuestro país.

Además, le solicitamos al gobierno colombiano:

• Resarcir el daño a las victimas de cada falso positivo.
• Brindar verdaderas oportunidades integrales para que la juventud incida en el desarrollo histórico del país.

Aquellas organizaciones sociales, instituciones y personas naturales o jurídicas que se sientan identificadas con este pronunciamiento las instamos a que se vinculen al mismo y entre todos unamos las voces para protestar por esta situación, a no quedarnos callados, a continuar denunciado irregularidades y a velar porque se cumplan los compromisos que competen al gobierno nacional para que estos sucesos no se repitan.

¿Qué les queda a los jóvenes?

¿qué les queda por probar a los jóvenes
en este mundo de consumo y humo?
¿vértigo? ¿asaltos? ¿discotecas?
también les queda discutir con dios
tanto si existe como si no existe
tender manos que ayudan / abrir puertas
entre el corazón propio y el ajeno /
sobre todo les queda hacer futuro
a pesar de los ruines de pasado
y los sabios granujas del presente.
Mario Benedetti

Puede reenviar este compromiso a sus contactos personales, visitar la página http://www.redcamaleon.com/?q=content/ejecuci%C3%B3n y dejar su mensaje, o en la Comunidad Virtual Juventud Por Colombia en el portal http://comunidades.semana.com/wf_InfoForo.aspx?IdForo=82
de Semana.com
Contacto: informacion@redcamaleon.com

En constancia firman:

Nacionales

1)RED CAMALEON

Antioquia y Medellín

2)CONSEJO DE JUVENTUD DE MEDELLIN
3)otraEZcuela
4)Platohedro
5)Santiago Botero, Representante Estudiantil de la Universidad Nacional (Medellín)
6)Banda Nepentes
7)Banda Línea de Fuego
8)Corporación REGION
9)Corporación de Juventudes por el Desarrollo del Suroeste Antioqueño, CORJUDESA
10)Instituto Popular de Capacitación IPC
11)Consejo de Juventud Puerto Triunfo.
12)Consejo de Juventud Santuario.
13)Consejo de Juventud de Envigado.
14)Consejo de Juventud Briceño.
15)Consejo de Juventud Girardota.
16)Consejo de Juventud Fredonia.
17)Consejo de Juventud de Támesis.
18)Consejo de Juventud del Peñol.
19)Consejo de Juventud de Olaya.
20)Consejo de Juventud de Toledo.
21)Consejo de Juventud Copacabana.
22)Consejo de Juventud de San Juan de Urabá.
23)Consejo de Juventud de Carolina del Príncipe.
24)Consejo de Juventud Angostura.
25)Consejo de Juventud de Guadalupe.
26)Consejo de Juventud Yondó.
27)Guatequismo Orquesta

Bogotá D.C. y Cundinamarca

28)Consejo Distrital de Juventud Bogota
29)Corporación Keskiwe
30)Sentimos Diverso
31)Red Social de Medios de Comunicación REDSOCIAL
32)Subaccion
33)Colectivo Cultural Convergencia
34)Fundación Seroestatus
35)Centro Experimental Juvenil
36)Centro Cultural Caleidoscopio
37)Mesa Autónoma de Juventudes MAJOC

Barrancabermeja(Santander)

38)Consejo de Juventud de Barrancabermeja

Villavicencio (Meta)

39)Mesa de Juventudes de Villavicencio

Bolivar

40) Consejo Distrital de Juventud de Cartagena

Más jóvenes se seguirán pronunciando, esperamos que se sumen a la convocatoria.

Tonight I joined a dynamic discussion about how to make TheStoreFront Community project self-sustaining...and I couldn’t help but flash back into the early days of when TakingITGlobal was founded and we had our discussions on what future directions we would take and how our ideals and dreams could be transformed into actionable plans. Of course, even after 9 years of having the ‘idea’ of TIG, the essence of having challenging strategic conversations still remains part of my current reality – however the energy in the room this evening reconnected me to the Fall of 2000, when we hosted meetings with invitations sent out to friends, organizations and those who joined our website from Toronto.



The dynamics of the room jolted from cohesive and interconnected to somewhat tense given the financial realities of the project. Earlier this year, a 1000 square foot store front space was established in order to serve as a support and communication network in the context of an urban village. Starting in January, the costs of rent will be doubled and the project in its current state does not generate enough revenue to afford costs of rent or administration. That said, an exciting range of events have taken place in recent months including a documentary with interviews of people in the neighbourhood, the inaugural BIG on Bloor Festival (bigonbloor.com/festival), the “b-l-o-o-o-o-r” design campaign including sales of well designed American Apparel t-shirts and bags, the “Everything Local” silent auction event and hosting of meetings, events and exhibits including the Afri Village Fest front window presence & photo documentation.

The project was made possible through a partnership between ThinkTankToronto, Business Improvement Area Office, and a group of students and faculty at the Ontario College of Art and Design (OCAD).

A key driver and designer of the initiative is a former TakingITGlobal staff member, Ghazaleh Etezal who is currently 21 and worked with us as a graphic designer in 2006. As I connected with Ghazaleh this evening, it was amazing to see her in action in her role as one of the connectors and in hearing people reference her contributions of design, research and coordination for TheStoreFront. It was also great to chat with Ghazaleh this evening and hear her attribute TakingITGlobal as part of her inspiration for the project.



In many ways, the place based goals of creating community for TheStoreFront initiative are aligned with the global online community objectives for TIG. As explained on the website, TheStoreFront aims to be “the common space between two separate disconnected worlds of youth, institutions, neighbourhood NGOs, programs and services available within the BloorCourt and BloorDale Villages (Christie to Lansdowne on Bloor West).” On a conceptual level, it is intriguing for me to observe and be part of a conversation about how to grow and sustain a space that supports vibrant community engagement.

Some of the ideas shared this evening that are most interesting to me include:

- Having a paid membership fee (i.e. $10/month)
- Hosting regular meetings (weekly or monthly) for ‘members’ to attend which would serve as a social space, with topics of discussion
- Utilizing the space to feature the products of local artists (i.e. clothes, jewlery, artwork)
- Having a cafe space with organic chocolate & other organic snacks sold
- Renting out the space to community organizations for events/meetings
- Offering workshops to help meet needs of community members (i.e. English as a second language, or focusing on a particular craft/skill with guest speakers etc).
- Establishing a core base of volunteers (i.e. a partnership with the neighbouring Working Women Community Centre), to offer an experience for newcomers to Canada living in the neighbourhood which would help to ensure that core responsibilities are fulfilled (i.e. keyholders with people who are responsible for opening & closing up the space)

One concern that emerged from the discussions was the issue of timing and how challenging it will be to raise sufficient funds in time for the end of the year. There was some discussion on what the concept or project would be if it did not live in the specific space at 957 Bloor W – however most of the ideas generated were aimed at trying to keep the space alive.
If it ends up not being feasible to maintain the 957 Bloor W StoreFront space due to costs, my recommendation is to develop stronger partnerships with existing places designed for the community (i.e. local community centres, employment centres, libraries etc) and try to help revitalize existing spaces that are supported by the government and that have a history of serving the community. While I love the idea of transforming commercial spaces into being community driven and serving, it may be too challenging to develop a financially sustainable model at this current time due to current economic realities.

On a final note...I do hope that the financial challenges can be overcome and that a proven model can be developed, shared and scaled with other communities!

Here's a list of who came:

Night at the Indies / Meow Films: Gurbeen
Community Arts Collective / Daily Bread Food Bank: Jim
BIG and BIG Festival: Ann
People Plan Toronto: Ann
DIG IN: Donna / Ann
Torontopedia: Himy
Working Women: Diana / Jessica
BloorCourt BIA: Shelley
IF Theatre: Sara
Supportive, active, creative, engaged dedicated locals: Ryan / Michelle / Phil / Darcy / Leah / Leigh / Chatherine S / Craig / Camilo
Delaware Residents (Street Festival): Rosalie
Delaware Open Space: Darcy
Humanist Movement: Nick / Roberto
Sistering (past Chair): France
Green Party: Steve
Annex Lions Club: Monica
Wireless Toronto: Gabe
Concord Café: Genoveva
Christie Ossington Neighbourhood Centre: Tim
Dufferin Grove Residents Association: / Rob
Anarchist U: Christian / Maggie
Laidlaw Foundation: Ana
Globe & Mail: Nadja
Property Owner 957: Robert Markovits
Chemistry Branding (consultant and partner): Will
Jim Allen Photo: Jim
TakingITGlobal: Jennifer

[unconfirmed]
Freedom Clothing: Amanda
Parkdale Liberty: Jennifer
ArchiTEXT: Zahra
Long & McQuade: Jon
Toronto Poets: Jason / Hajile
Linux Caffé: David

Un joven en Latinoamérica de entre 15 y 24 años de edad está en más peligro de morir asesinado que en cualquier otro lugar del mundo.

Así lo asegura un informe "Mapa de la Violencia" de la Red de Información Tecnológica Latinoamericana (RITLA) tras analizar 83 países, entre ellos 16 latinoamericanos.

En él se asegura que es hasta 30 veces más probable que un joven sea asesinado en Latinoamérica que en Europa.

El Salvador lidera esta macabra lista con 92 jóvenes asesinados por cada 100.000 habitantes, seguido de Colombia, Venezuela, Guatemala y Brasil, los "top 5" de la lista.

Según afirmó en conversación con BBC Mundo el autor del informe, Julio Jacobo Waiselfisz, el homicidio en América Latina es un fenómeno sobre todo juvenil, al contrario de otras zonas del mundo.

"Preocupa especialmente América Central donde ya existía una historia de guerras civiles y una cultura política de violencia. Pero ahora ha empeorado por la expulsión de Estados Unidos de integrantes de bandas juveniles llamadas maras, especialmente jóvenes salvadoreños", afirmó Waiselfisz.

El problema es especialmente acuciante en El Salvador, Nicaragua y Guatemala que han visto cómo sus índices de criminalidad juvenil se han disparado.

Colombia y Brasil, mejor

El experto destaca que, por primera vez en 10 años, Colombia no es el país con más homicidios.

"Hasta 2004-2005 el eje de la violencia lo formaba Brasil y Colombia, ahora es Centroamérica. Colombia comenzó a luchar contra ella en ciudades como Cali y Bogotá haciendo entre otros reordenamientos urbanos, mientras Brasil empezó a mejorar sobre todo a partir de 2003 con una campaña de desarme".

Los países latinoamericanos más seguros para los jóvenes son Chile, Cuba y Uruguay, con unos 7 homicidios por 100.000 habitantes.

En total, la tasa de homicidios juveniles en la zona es de 36,6 por 100.000 habitantes, mientras que en África es 16,1, América del Norte 12, Asia 2,4, Oceanía 1,6 y Europa 1,2.

El informe además explica que para los jóvenes la distribución el ingreso explica el 63,5% de la variabilidad de las tasas de homicidio, muy por encima de las tasas de pobreza, debido a una mayor sensibilidad a los fenómenos que derivan de las injusticias distributivas. Fuente: http://noticias.prodigy.msn.com/bbc.aspx?cp-documentid=14296134#toolbar

Art for me
is a journey
into the unspoken, unknown, unwanted and unheard
realities of our shadows
and of our hopes.

We are suspended in time
glimpsing in the mirror
of our future and our past
They flash before us and cause a jolt
of hope, of fear, of want, of release.

Our senses on overload
we admire and adore
our object of fascination
representing the idol we love
and demon we hate.

we forgive
we empathize
we heal
we bathe
in beauty
and bliss.

This is art
for me.

Young people from around the planet have written, directed and produced one-minute films about the Convention of the Rights of the Child. Each film represents a right and shows how it is met or denied in communities across Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Latin America and Europe. See what young filmmakers from around the world have to say about the CRC.

http://www.unicef.org/knowyourrights/discuss_videos.php

Congratulations to Mali Bickley, Grade 5 teacher at W. H. Day Elementary School, Bradford, Ontario who wins over $10,000 in classroom technology and thanks for the mention of TakingITGlobal in your video! We are so thrilled that you are using TIGed.org in your classroom.

So. It’s over. It is really over; and there are no riots in the streets of Chicago and LA, no disappointed citizens packing their belongings together to leave this country for good, no thoughts of anger, of despair. No. Instead there is hope. A light at the end of a long and dark tunnel; after eight years of disappointments, of embarrassments, of failed policies, and of a divided country, there is suddenly a future again that people are willing to fight for, that they are excited to fight for.

It is amazing for me to think about the journey this country has traveled over the past two years. Since I moved to New York, and probably long before, no other topic has been discussed as much as the presidential election. What a long journey it must have been for Barack Obama. From campaigning for the first primaries, to his victory over Hillary Clinton and winning the Democratic Presidential Nomination, to this day of his election and his speech at Grant Park in Chicago tonight.

While I was watching the results come this evening, I couldn’t help but wonder what he must have felt during those last hours of this two year long process. Where was he? What was he doing? New Hampshire. Pennsylvania. Ohio! What went through his head when he saw these election results come in, like we did? Relief? Joy? Pride? Did he possibly even cry when the news channels announced him to be president-elect of the United States of America? All this stress and tension falling off him for a few moments and making room for emotions to take control. Even if just for a split second maybe?

I can only imagine his thoughts and his feelings in those moments. A whole country, the entire world is now looking up to this man. What a responsibility! And how courageous to take on such kind of responsibility, not to shy away from it. What kind of character does it take for someone to endure a two year long campaign, to be scrutinized by the media – every single sentence you say, to be followed wherever you go, and wherever you have gone in your past?

Being an aspiring leader myself, I look up to this man today and bow before him in awe and respect for what he has achieved. For making history. For bringing back hope to this country, and to the world. For standing firm in his beliefs against all odds. For showing strength, courage and fearlessness, when I know that no man or woman, facing the enormous challenges that he will face as the next President of the United States, no man or woman will not also at times feel week, dispirited and fearful during difficult times like these.

But today is not only the day of Barack Obama. Today is the day of the American people. In the past couple of years, Americans I met were embarrassed for their President Bush, for the politics of their country. They apologized for what their country has done to the world. But after eight long years, Americans can finally be proud again; proud to have now an incredibly intelligent, inspiring, and humble man as their leader. I am proud of Obama, and I am happy for all of my American friends who don’t need to feel ashamed anymore, but who can be proud, too. Proud of their new President, and proud of their country, which is no doubt capable of doing much good in this world.

Today, the United States has become a better place. Today, the world has become a better place.

Este jueves 30 de octubre comenzamos el ciclo de Talleres de Teatro y Reflexión Creativa del Proyecto Jóvenes Refugiados en la Ciudad de Buenos Aires: Una mirada desde adentro.

Este proyecto, de la Asociación Vientos del Sur, pretende ser un espacio de encuentro e intercambio que permita la autoorganización de jóvenes provenientes de diferentes países para facilitar su integración y el mejoramiento de sus condiciones de vida a través del conocimiento de sus derechos, el desarrollo de iniciativas propias y la valoración positiva de su identidad mediante el dialogo intercultural.

Participaron del encuentro unos 25 jóvenes de Sierra Leona, Costa de Marfil, Cabo Verde, Guinea, Bangladesh, Colombia, Inglaterra, Hungría, Alemania, República Dominicana, Senegal y, por supuesto, Argentina.

Fue un hermoso comienzo, con mucho entusiasmo y mucha entrega por parte de todas y todos.

En la foto, el afiche con el producto de la dinámica "El mar de las expectativas", donde quedó plasmado qué es lo que las y los participantes esperan de este espacio de encuentro, qué es lo que tienen para compartir y qué es lo que les preocupa.

Próximamente.... más novedades.

Un especial y enorme agradecimiento a todas las personas que generosamente están contribuyendo para que este sueño compartido sea una realidad =)

By Bruce Sterling EmailMarch 03, 2008 | 6:45:45 AM
"Some of the references might require a bit of explaining if you weren't in Iraq about then (2005) or part of the transportation reconstruction sector. But you shoud get the gist."
http://blog.wired.com/sterling/2008/03/why-did-the-ira.html

Why Did the Iraqi Chicken Cross the Road?

Coalition Provisional Authority: The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions. 



Halliburton: We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004. 



Muqtada al-Sadr: The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed. 



US Army Military Police: We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.

Lyndie Edwards: The chicken was lead across the road on a leash by me, after we made it and all the other chickens form a naked pyramid. I only did this because all the other soldiers wanted me to and I'm a moron. It's really not my fault. Besides, I'm pregnant.



Peshmerga: The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill. 



1st Cav: The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP's. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers. 



Al Jazeera: The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens. 



Blackwater: We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident. 



Translators: Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request. 



U.S. Marine Corps: The chicken is dead.

CAOA Joint Venture (a reconstruction contractor): We would be willing to allow the chicken to cross the road, as long as we are allowed to evaluate the relevant transportation infrastructure and get 3 competent and graded bids. Given the overhead rate of 23% and forward depreciation…

Donald Rumsfeld: There are known chickens and unknown chickens. Did the chicken intend to cross the road? Heavens, yes! Was it her intention to cross it in the manner that she did cross it? Perhaps not. 



Scott McLellan: As I said before, what the president said earlier about the chicken incident is still operative. If I receive further information I will of course be glad to share it with you. 



John Ashcroft: The chicken was possessed by Satan and deserved everything that happened to him. National security prohibits me from saying more. 



Condoleezza Rice: No one could have possibly foreseen that chicken would try to cross that road to get to that side. 



John Kerry: While I cannot say that I do not fully support the president's actions in the chicken-road incident, it is certainly not my intention to state that, in conjunction with our long-time friends and allies, I would not have done it better. Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!

Dick Cheney: The press is using the chicken incident to divert attention from the fact that Saddam had nuclear weapons and was going to use them on us. AAAAGH, my heart!!! Lay off or I'll shoot you in the face.



Colin Powell: These satellite photos conclusively show that there was, indeed, a road there. That the chicken had the intention of crossing this road is made clear from this recording made the night before in the chicken coop... Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

PRESIDENT BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.



HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.



RALPH NADER: The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.



BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? Does the chicken have any distinguishing characteristics?



PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.



ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?!? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross. Where is my OxyContin? I'll bet Michael J. Fox is swaying and exaggerating the entire thing just to get some sympathy.



GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.



OPRAH WINFREY & Sally Jesse Raphael: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.



JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together-in peace.



ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.



KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.



CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.



SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.



BILL GATES: I have just rolled out eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.



ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?



THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.



SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Navy: The chicken upon crossing the road was painted and lashed to the curb.
 


Baghdad Bob (the Iraqi Information Minister under Saddam): The chicken never crossed the road! He is safe in Baghdad, miles from the marauding vehicles of the infidel! THERE IS NO ROAD!


USAF: "As you can see here in the target video, the bomb was locked onto the chicken...and there it goes...the chicken is still moving...still moving...and unfortunately passed out of the parameters of the guidance system so that the bomb completely missed it and hit the weasel instead. Gotta admit though, it's impressive footage..."

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraqi ambassador) 
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

FOX MULDER 
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

AL GORE 
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

MARTHA STEWART 
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL 
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS 
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road; but why it crossed, I've not been told!

JACQUES CHIRAC 
We will veto any resolution regarding non-compliance of the chicken whether is has or has not crossed the road!

AEGIS PSD (a security contractor): The chicken attempted to cross the road we were using. And after the chicken ignored numerous warning shots, we shot the chicken's car up and set the video record of the incident to an Elvis tune. That's what is now on the internet…

NSA: Of course we monitored the Chicken's conversations on the XXXXXX with XXXX, XXXXX and XXXXXX, using our national technical assets XXXXXXX and XXXXXX in XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, XXXXX, and XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX despite the laws forbidding such spying without a warrant. President Bush said XXXXXXX and that's good enough for us! (redacted, for reasons of National Security)

Colonel Stevens (BAF commander): Denied, denied, denied. The chicken may not cross the road. Because I said so and that is that.

Diligence Middle East (another security contractor) You fooking C#nt! Get your feathered arse across the road or I'll choke the life out of you.

Controlled Risks (yet another security contractor) Chicken? Is this another way to refer to our esteemed Filipina housemaids?

Average Iraqi security guy. Chicken on the road? Let me get my flip flops…

FOX NEWS (Fair and Balanced): And Fox News' exclusive reporting has determined that the Islamofascist liberal terrorist chickens in Iraq have crossed the road. Loyal and patriotic Americans (Republicans All) have been "staying the course" to allow the president (God bless him) to announce MISSION ACCOMPLISHED at will. In other news, cut and run "pro death" antichristian Democrats have introduced a new death tax bill to steal money from hard working deceased Americans.

Average Afghan: They have chickens? Truly they have all the blessings of Allah…